Ah, a new summer excursion! I can almost smell oklahoma. It smells like . . . like . . . the absence of anything remotely interesting. But I will only be passing though Oklahoma (though it will feel like passing a stone). For my true destination is my second Texas wedding of the summer. God, I hope there's cattle!

Anyway, after my last Texas wedding I stopped off in Little Rock, AR, at Harry Balsanga's (I'll never call him "Rob" again) to be crowned "King of Drunken Scrabble," and the "Grand Tourismo Bitch Boy." No such excitement this time . . . because this time I am "Habeus Cock, Wizard of the Inner Fire." ...I like to blow stuff up. Dugeon Master Etter has decreed.

Why, I am even bringing beer smuggled in from Germany! Yes folks, it's all about beer, D&D and picturing Kassy and Josh in the sack. How am I not gonna act like I'm at football game? I plan to yell "TAKE IT OFF!" right before the vows.

Good times.