I have nothing new or exciting to tell you. You'd best stop reading now,because whatever comes after will not stimulate you.



No really, stop it.

You see, if you keep reading this, I'll feel obligated to put forth something creative, insightful, entertaining. And thats too much pressure; I can'thandle that kind of responsiblity. I mean, my God, where do I get off thinking that what I write is worth your attention? Who am I to consider mywords an important source of . . . something.? After all, what if you get nothing out of this? What if you come to my blog, expecting to be enlightened, informed, and all you find is complete drivel? What if mywriting becomes a complete waste of your time? I can't have that on my conscience! So stop reading this instant.




Seriously.




Cut it out! This isn't funny!




Enough already!




Hey, you know what . . . just who do you think you are? Expecting me to perform like this. Expecting me to write something worthwhile and interesting. How dare you!? How dare you put this pressure on me! Where doYOU get off? Huh? With all these expectations and lofty goals. Don't hold meto your unreasonable standards.



I don't have to put up with this.



This is harassment.




Stop it.





Stop it!




Ok, I'm done.





No really. I'm stopping now.





I'm stopping.





Now.





Now, for real.





Goodbye!




. . .




. . .




You know what? I think I'm gonna keep writing. Just to spite you! Yeah!Thats right! I'm gonna write and write it's all gonna be CRAP! And you willjust have to sit there and keep scrolling until you waste who knows how much time trying to find some kind of value in this. Talk about an existential quagmire! I told you to stop reading. I tried to stop you. But it's out of my hands now. You can just deal with it. I've got miles of weblog philibuster ready to suck you in and never let go.



Damn straight.




You can't stop now can you?




You're hooked.






What, you think you can outlast me? Well, I've got all the time in theworld.




Soooooooo much time.





Lots 'n lots of time.




Yup.

Time.




. . .




Actually, I've got this thing in a few minutes so I'm gonna have to cut out. It's been fun though. I know you wanted me to keep writing and all but I'vegot a life of my own. I mean, I kept going just to keep you happy but this really isn't healthy. You can't look to me for all of your online needs. I think you might be becoming obsessed. I'm worried about you.