So the majority of the events in mylife in the past month or so have felt rather mundane and boring, Thus the silence. (Although I'd like to think that a good writer can turn any little thoughts and/or events into good writing, but I have no such confidence in myself, never have.) But today I'm writing to you at such an oddly early hour because I've been sent home by my boss. Actually, I had to be driven home by my wife. It's a good thing we work at the same University.
You see, I still have Vicaden (sp?) left over from when I had my wisdom teeth pulled out (which I recovered from very quickly btw, because I am the thick-skinned and invulnerable man!! Ironic that I am the complete opposite of that on the inside . . . yeah, awwwww). And these Vicaden look a lot like my daily Effexor. So yes, I took Vicaden this morning! And I am fuuuuudged-up!
The doggies are still outside because were I to let them in I'd have to spend time cleaning-up the mess they made of the living room earlier this morning (which they did because I let Pebbles [a beagle/cocker spaniel stray we picked-up and still hope to find a good family for] in at 7:15 am because she was barking at kids who were waiting for the school-bus, and they were barking back! She sleeps outside because she tears-up the house at night. And so I rushed to ther door to shut Pebbles-up, not realizing that the problem wouldn't go away until the bus showed-up, so I let her in, and went back to bed. And I sleep naked, so I think those kids saw my penis - I'm going to prison. And then, when I returned to bed, I started frickin dreaming about being overtired and missing the bus and being late for school! It's not fun no matter what age you are!) . . . anyway, I refuse to waste this higher state of mind I've entered by cleaning. I'd rather be here, typing away. Again naked.
My job is boring and frustrating because I screw things up daily and am thus reminded that I am not intelligent. Yet it is much better than some jobs I could have because I am close to my friends among the student body, and what a body!!! Are the freshman girls getting hotter or did I just not notice when I was a student? This is merely an observational statement, I do not like to think of myself as a lecher.
But this staying at home is frustrating because money is becoming more and more important - another fact that causes me angst. I've got a lot of angst right now. Because I'm going to be 26 years old in December and I have not begun any work toward an actual career! I don't even have a plan for a career! I have no future! No calling! I have forgotten the face of my father! O Discordia!
. . . (and I'm actually NOT being facetious - for those of you who read The Dark Tower.)
However, my mind is a mess of creative energy right now because I've begun working on the D&D campaign I run, which should start-up again soon. If only I could convince my PC's that I WILL get better. This is my first campaign, after all. And I DO feel like I'm getting better. Less hack-and-slash, more freedom, more challenge.
Hey, it's all I've got.
Speech and Debate season starts soon, that should help a little.
Heather has dreams (life dreams, not sleep dreams. I have very little of either any more.) of starting a publishing company or a literary journal. But we'd need our own angle, because there are a lot of those out there already. And although she and I have some of the skills we would need to run one, we certainly don't have all of them. We'd fall flat on our face.
Heather says that the lack of sleep is catching-up with me more dramatically now. She sees it in the way I act (extreme moodiness), the way I think (melencholy), the way I treat people (they suck and they think I'm a loser or a retard).
I'm on my third sleep medication now, and I'm seeing some improvement, but it looks like a trip to the neurologist will still be necessary, maybe a good ole MRI. And of course the insurance company is being an absolute dick about everything. This not a friggin pre-existing condition!! I didn't even see the doctor about this until late July and I started my job in March!!
And due to my lethargy (I think), I go to bed most nights feeling I've accomplished almost nothing that I wanted to get done. And I mean on the day-to-day hobby/work scale, not the grand-scheme-of-life scale. I've almost abandonded that one . . . which really scares me.
I've been consuming new music (new to me, anyway) like crazy! Checking out tracks, buying new CD's. In the last two months ALONE I've discovered and been taken by the following bands:
Glasseater
Arch Enemy
Funeral For a Friend
Taking Back Sunday - omg!
Senses Fail
Hawthorm Heights
Anadivine
Flogging Molly
The Dropkick Murphy's
Lamb of God
Shadow's Fall
Lacuna Coil
Bleeding Through
The Prisoner's Dilemma
The Beautiful Mistake
The Hurt Process
The Used
The Evan Anthem - omg!
Converge
The Dillinger Escape Plan - omg!
Alex Is On Fire
My Chemical Romance
and more who I intend to check-out but haven't had the time yet.
Yeah, I blame Purevolume.com and Yahoo.Launch. Beyond these "discoveries", I'm always trying to get ahold of other CD's by bands I already know and like. The brand new MeWithoutYou album is outstanding, btw.
In fact, I think I'll listen to it now and go check my e-mail.
As always, thanks for reading. Send feedback by e-mail (link-at-top-of- page) if you'd like.
-Scott
