I went to see Clayton Scott perform poetry tonight. It was a book release party. He asked me and Doug Sheilds (current organizer of open mic readings and the Ozark Poetry Slam) to offer-up opening poems. I was honored. The turn-out was HUGE! There were junior high kids there - due to his popularity in the Arkansas school arts programs that he works for. As much as I think Clayton is an amazing poet and performer, I care more about HIM than about his poetry. And though I'm very glad that he is happy with his new job, I'm sad that he is also recently divorced.
He was a big influence on Heather and I when we first started slamming. He was a highly talented and Christian-love influence in a scene that did (and still does) need it so badly. His love for people is powerful. You can check him out here: http://www.claytonscott.com .

Next week I am going to be the feature at an open mic night in Fayetteville. Doug asked me if I would do it. This will be the first time I've been featured for ANYTHING! I'm very excited. I feel like I'm stepping forward. It's a feeling that greatly conflicts with how I feel about what I'm about to tell you.

My not having a job is, as I feared, a significant financial burden for Heather and I. (It's sad that JBU pays Heather enough to keep us from recieving any federal aid, but not enough to pay our bills.) However, if I am diagnosed Bipolar II (as my new psychologist wants me to be), and we add that new development to my recently diagnosed TWO sleep disorders and my diagnosed since childhood A.D.D., then I can, by federal standards, be considered "disabled." Dis - abled. Disabilty brings-in supplemental income from the government. Is this a blessing? Is it a crock of shit? Am I abusing tax-payers' money? Regardless, I'm not sure I could feel more embarassed. Heather ensures me it has nothing to do with I.Q., . . . and I believe her, but I can't help but feel like a boat anchor. Or a child. Or a freak. And, I've been called a freak many times. I guess those voices were right. How many other things were they right about?

So, . . . disabled. At 3:21 A.M. In a rented house that is falling apart. With a wife who is significantly more intelligent and capable than I will ever be, yet who has painful, emotional dysfunctions of her own, and whose only true support is a husband who is highly medicated, doesn't know how to help her and has no job because he is . . . disabled.

I guess I'll go to sleep. And try not to dream about being scorned or laughed-at.

Sometimes I'm glad so few people read this.

Ok, it's a little late this year, but I have my top ten albums of 2004. Naturally, this is a completely subjective list, but at least it remains uninfluenced by sales, radio, etc. The more bands and cds I gain an interest in, the more difficult this list becomes to formulate - I ended-up with a 4-way tie for 10th place. So I've decided to extend it into a top fifteen. (I did a top twenty two years ago, but I think that was overdoing it.). And, so here you have it. (Of course, I reserve the right to change this list at any point - but that rarely happens because I give myself three freaking months to make sure I've heard as much as possible of all that was released in 2004.)

15. Unearth - The Oncoming Storm
14. The Showdown - A Chorus of Obliteration
13. My Chemical Romance - Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge
12. Funeral For a Friend - Casually Dressed and Deep in Conversation
11. Alexisonfire - Watch Out
10. Misery Signals - Of Malice and the Magnum Heart (everything the new Hopesfall SHOULD have been!)
9. Underoath - They're Only Chasing Safety
8. Killswitch Engage - The End of Heartache
7. He Is Legend - I am Hollywood
6. MeWithoutYou - Catch For Us The Foxes
5. Dillinger Escape Plan - Miss Machine
4. Brandtson - Send Us a Signal
3. Nightwish - Once
2. Project 86 - Songs to Burn Your Bridges By (T&N release)
1. Emery - The Weaks End


Honorable Mentions (and I'm not going to say that they are not in any particular order, because they kinda are):

Sparta - Porcelain
Hawthorne Heights - The Silence in Black and White
Zao - The Funeral of God
Dead Poetic - New Medicines
Far-Less - Turn to the Bright
Himsa - Courting Tradgedy and Disaster
Mute Math - Reset
Lovedrug - Pretend You're Alive
Further Seems Forever - Hide Nothing
Nightwish - Tales From the Elvenpath (a genuine best-of)
Demon Hunter - Summer of Darkness
Jimmy Eat World - Futures
Blindside - About a Burning Fire
Stavesacre - Bull Takes Fighter
Atreyu - The Curse
Andy Zipf - I Stole the Morning Sun
Taking Back Sunday - Where You Want To Be
Theivery Corporation - The Outernational Sound
Still Remains - If Love Was Born To Die
Arch Enemy - Anthems of Rebellion



Most Disappointing Album of the Year: Hopesfall - A Types

I realize there are a lot of CD's up there, but keep in mind that I actually cut the honorable mentions list DOWN from a larger one. I try to find the good in things . . . which is odd, considering how cynical I can be.

I'm still recovering from my trip to smoggy California - I'm trying to use diplomacy to convince my head to stop manufacturing snot. The speech and debate trip was a mixed bag. The structure and paradigms for Parli debate have dramatically shifted away from the standard in the California circuit, and I really hope to see those schools get their asses handed to them at the National Parlimentary Debebate Association Tournament in a few weeks.
As to I.E.'s, I'm truly losing any faith I've ever had in the integrity of the Christian Culture - especially as it pertains to evaluating good literature and performance. I guess I'm more interested in the value of art than in maintaining the "Christian" status quo.

So over-all, our team got spanked, and I'm still rather bitter about it. Although, we did make a good showing in a FEW areas. Two of our kids at least took first place in SOMETHING. I can't help but give myself a lot of the blame, since I am supposed to be an assistant coach. I am supposed to help make our kids the best they can be. ...Although, it's not as though I get paid for any of it. But, it's also not as though I've had a real job to go to in the past three weeks. *sigh* I feel really bad for the seniors - but most of them have kicked-butt all over the regional tournaments this year. I just hope that it makes the younger team members hungry for next season. Because thats what it does to me.

So here I am in beautiful Southern California. ... or at least I think it's beautiful, it's hard to tell through the smog. But the view from the plane was gorgeous. I miss real moutains! Arkansas has made me forgot how beautiful the world is AWAY from the midwest.

I'm here in Riverside Cali (40 miles from L.A.) for the Christian College National Speech and Debate Tournament at California Baptist University. JBU hosts it next year and we will NOT put up with these California debaters and their Parli canned-cases! ...Have I lost you yet? Whoever you are.

My allergies have gone nuclear (KABOOM! . . . aaand drain into chest) thanks to the dramatic climate change, and I've been running a freaking judging marathon. Out of 15 rounds so far, I have judged 13!! Now, understand that I have brought this on myself - especially with the I.E.s (performance/speech) events. I happen to really enjoy judging those - I judge debate when I have to. I am also very sympathetic to the problems that tournament hosts have finding enough judges. Plus, it passes the time quickly - at least I'm DOING something.

But, . . . I'm crashing. My head will explode soon if I can't relieve the sinus pressure. I need to go back to the motel and sit in the hot tub. . . . And then I'll cuddle with Heather, that makes everything better.