I hate feeling like ranting is pointless.
I hate feeling like I have no words.
I hate feeling like 10 months ago, someone took away the old me and replaced it with something deranged and unstable. I hate realizing that I fit a demographic called "mentally disabled."

I hate believing that I am incapable of working a real job again.

I hate being "broke."

I hate not being able to go to concert after concert.

I hate feeling pointless.

I hate feeling like a nobody.

I hate feeling narcissistic for wanting to be "somebody."

I hate feeling that my relationships with friends have become the by-product of entropy.

I hate feeling that my life will one day look like a parade of missed opportunities.

I love the sound of thunder at 3 a. m.

Heather is giggling in the living room. She is discussing her future as a Mary Kay consultant with our friend Jami, from whom she would be learning.

Mary Kay. My wife.

As if you had to ask, it's about the money.

Well, not entirely. There is also an entrepenuerial spirit inherent in Mary Kay - much more than I had previously understood. Heather has too much independance inside her (although it was forced there by her asshole parents, I can't help but love her for it) to not want to do something where she can make her own hours (and her own amount of hours) and be her own boss. This is not a pyramid-format selling scheme, and Heather has had positive experience with every MK product she has tried (very little of which has been make-up).

I'm all for it, I just think this isn't the best time. Once her thesis is done, she could easily begin supplementing our income by $500 -$1000 per month from low-stress work.


Meanwhile, I'm a leech.